too far gone.

i am composed of contradictions.
mistakes and regrets.
my insides are broken and bruised
from words that cut like knives.
my outside is ripped and torn
from everything that haunts me.
i am everything i never expected.
never thought i would be.
you're the cause.
and the worst part
is that i can't hate you.
even for everything you've done.
there's something i can't figure out.
why do i love how it hurts
when you break my heart
and then make me fall again?
over and over like a broken record
that keeps skipping.
why? the pain is an addiction.
i need to get away.
but i can't.
it's all too real.
i'm in too deep to get out
without losing a part of myself
in the escape.